Relationships of any kind are key to having a good life. The community that we build around us helps shape the outlook of our future lives. The people around us influence the person within us.
There’s so many relationships that we have to deal with in our everyday lives. We have family members, friends, best friends, bad friends (if they are even friends haha), boyfriends, girlfriends, or husbands and wives. Needless to say, we have a lot of relationships that we deal with and I haven’t even touched the relationships with people that we don’t want to have. (I see you bullies and some co-workers)
With most relationships that we have, we try to stay as connected as possible, but sometimes we just forget about certain people (I’ve been there myself. Sorry to those that of you who I have forgotten).
One of the biggest goals I’ve consistently seen throughout humanity, is to have relationships and/or community. We find lots of love and acceptance in them, which is why we value community so heavily. That’s why I even started this blog, because people have such a high value for community, family, relationships and the like, but don’t fully know how to even get in or stay in them!
Here’s a list of ways that can help your relationships last:
#1 – Pursue your friends. Do things with them that they like to do.
In my last blog (Family With You, Family Around You), I said that we have to pursue relationships with the people we want around in our family, or the people that are already in the family. No matter what, pursuit of those we want in any of our relationships, are vital to staying in that relationship. A lot of times, pursuing someone or a group of people, looks like talking to them, asking what they like to do in their spare time, places they like to go, etc… After you do that, plans days where you can go do the things they said. Sometimes it’s just hanging out and playing video games with a couple liters of soda; other times, it’s going to a coffee place and talking about places you want to go.
Everyone is different, but everyone will love and appreciate the time and effort that you put into getting to know them, and do what they like as well what you like to do.
#2 – Don’t Stop Believing (Hold on to that feeling).
Although I am totally quoting a song, this is very applicable to relationships.
If you feel like you’re constantly asking “Why do I feel like I have no one to hangout with?” I would challenge you and ask; “Have you tried being friends with someone more than two months?” Point of the question is this: are you putting in the time that it takes to actually build a strong, healthy friendship with someone? Cause if you’re not putting in the effort, than you will feel like you have little to no friends in your life outside of school, sports, or church.
If you’re having a hard time staying friends with someone for more than 2-4 months, then ask yourself, “What am I believing that is keeping me from a great, long friendship?” Because either way, there’s something that is stopping you from believing that the friendship process isn’t worth it.
Quitting never helps anyone, but never giving up gets you recognition.
#3 – Have a better view of yourself.
A lot of people probably wouldn’t think that their friend problems were because of how they view themselves, but it’s a very real thing.
Here’s some questions that can help indicate if you have a bad view of yourself:
1 – Do you believe that you are actually worth the love you will receive from friends?
2 – Are you confident in how you interact with people?
3 – Do you think that people will think you’re dumb if they get to know you?
4 – Are you afraid that people won’t like you once they get to know you?
5 – Do you feel like you have to act like a completely different person when you are with people just so they can like you?
You can talk to people about how to change any of these if it’s a problem that you do have, but I want to give you some hope right now.
Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from going after any relationships that you want to have in your life. The pain of a failed relationship might suck, but the gain of a true friend is priceless.
Don’t let yourself be scared. Don’t let yourself say you’re not worth it. Don’t let yourself say there’s too much hurt that comes with relationships. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.
Once you start believing in yourself and have the confidence to be able to tackle any relationship or heartache in your life, that’s when you kicked fear in the face and won the war.
Ending with this, don’t let the idea of having to settle keep you from adventure. When you go on adventures with your friends, it creates a intimacy that can’t be broken, and does away with the novelty (or standard) of relationships; and let’s face it, intimacy is way better than novelty.